A little over two weeks has flown by. Two weeks full of adventure, learning, new people, new experiences, new skills, new foods. New is a sensation I have been in desperate need of. I had become accustomed to a continuous, detrimental routine and now I am dancing in freedom and change.
This new found freedom has come with frustrations including why writing has been difficult and freedom has shed light on my need for routine. I find myself constantly planning or asking what the plan is. Freedom means less planning, more living which is something I am enjoying more and more everyday. My need for plans is slowing and I realize the more in the now I am, the more enjoyable life has been. My frustration with writing has been lurking in the back of my mind and I have sat down to write almost everyday and every time results in the same feeling of disappointment and defeat while I hopelessly stare at my blank screen. I thought of a million reasons why my writing has come to an abrupt halt but until today none of my reasons seemed good enough. Today, as I drove through a forest of towering Redwoods, saw flashes through the thick trees along the road of the beautiful mountains and deep valleys of the King Range, served coffee to the wild people of Humboldt County, and drove home on the rough, windy path to the farm tucked deep in the rolling hills, I realized why I have been struggling with my writing. I fear my writing will not rightfully illustrate this overwhelmingly beautiful place I now call home.
I find myself speechless everyday driving to work, learning a new skill in the garden, gaining knowledge from people who have years of experience, or meeting new people. My mind is overflowing of new knowledge that my brain is too busy digesting that it cannot possibly hold onto a single idea long enough to get it down to paper. When I did begin to write, my thoughts were still scrambling through my mind, jumping from this to that, never focused. My mind is in full sponge mode and is struggling to slow down. In a weird way, my problem is that I have too much to write about. Too much to write about is an issue because I want to properly render the magic of my new home.
Today, I reflected and focused on my frustrations which has allowed me to slow down enough to finally process my thoughts. Take a step back, slow down, breathe, reflect and let everything evolve and you too shall follow.